RIP

Hollis passed away on July 10, 2011. She had Kidney issues and had been receiving treatment for 2.5 years. She also had a tumor and went into heart failure. It happened pretty quickly and she didn't suffer for very long. I will miss her so much...

She was my kitty for over 16.5 years and I loved her more than I can say. She was one-of-a-kind and I am so lucky we found each other in March 1995. I believe she was about 6 months when she came home with me.

Take care little girl, wherever you are. I will miss your cuddles, your meows and your purrs. You gave me so much comfort and love. I will never forget you.

All my love,
Keeper

Humiliation

I was completely and totally humiliated in front of all of Keeper's guests at her dinner party.

And now I am running out of food.

And all Keeper seems to care about is the fact that I cuss too much.

Somebody please come save me.

Time for my lazy, hazy summertime post.

So far the summer weather has been pretty mild, compared to other years. I cannot relax yet, however, because Septembers can be downright evil in the hot weather category. And I fear we've been immensely spoiled this July with the extra helpings of June gloom, so I fear punishment may be knocking on my catbox soon. I do have my sexy go-go dancer lion cut, so I am relatively prepared.

Speaking of haircuts, I have developed a rather troubling habit when it comes to these beauty treatments. I have connected with my inner demon while at the salon and expressed it as a rather extreme version of cage rage. This cage rage includes losing control of my elimination facilities, and is not so pleasant for the hairdresser. Keeper must tip her well.

I sleep a lot and sometimes find ants in my food. Keeper must remain vigilant with these evil little things.

Keeper has also hinted about getting me a pet. A Horton Plains Slender Loris, all of my very own. Maybe she'll even have her own blog, to blog about what it is like to have ME as her keeper. That would be grand.

Off to enjoy my summer paperbacks before the realities of Fall kick in in about a month and send me back to school where I have to be serious and responsible. Oh no, wait, that is Keeper's problem. I never have to be serious or responsible. Awesome. Nap time.

Sometimes Older Girls Look Better With Short Hair

Not always, but sometimes. Keeper and I have decided that this is one of those times for me. After being furminated a bit too harshly, I have a few bald(ish) spots that are simply unbecoming. So, as soon as this rain stops, Keeper will be taking me to be re-shaved. I look sexy when I'm shaved. (get your minds out of the gutter, all youz nasty boyz!)

In other news, I had a vet checkup and I am holding my own with both my thyroid and kidney conditions, and this is good news. Keeper has had to jump through major hoops to get me cheap Lactated Ringers, but the hoops seem to be successfully jumped through and all systems are go.

I have also been treated to more wet food than usual lately. This has, unfortunately, just made me more demanding, especially in the early morning hours, and now Keeper is re-thinking this. Hmm. Possible tactical error with the early morning wake-up routine. Perhaps I should do some re-thinking myself.

After I nap for a few hours.

The Bed Shook Last Night & Pissed Me Off.

After tucking in Keeper last night at a reasonable hour with a book, I proceeded to snooze with her a bit and then make my late night rounds. I was already back for my very early morning nap in Keeper's bed when the bed and whole house started shaking and woke me up. Keeper sat up in bed, but the shaking stopped and while it seemed like she considered getting out of bed and checking the interwebz, in the end she just went back to sleep.

Well, not me. I could not even consider getting back on that big, shaking monstrosity so I retired to the couch and my favorite (and recently laundered) blanket and settled in for the rest of the night. But I couldn't sleep. I think it was the shaking mixed with the fact that even though things seem relatively normal, the schedule seems to have changed slightly. Like everything is happening sooner than I feel like it should.

Man, I need a good cat-nap.

I Am Gorgeous And Have Lots Of Fur.

It's true. I spent a good part of 2009 with much less fur than comes naturally to me. I was even, dare I say it...sexy. I looked like a go-go dancer at one point, and seriously considered a late-in-life career switch.

I also very much enjoyed the low-maintenance aspect of the new fur situation. I swallowed much less fur while grooming and had more time to contemplate higher-level thoughts. (side note: higher level thoughts are overrated)

But it has been a rainy, cooler winter and all my fur has returned. I am told that, when it begins to warm up, I will once again look like a go-go dancer. Well, maybe just the fleece blanket look again cuz the go-go dancer look was a bit on the exteme side and I am old, for goodness sake.

Oh, and Jill thinks I have beautiful eyes. She's correct. I do.

Meow Out!

Keeper and I would like to send a MEOW OUT! to Jill and the other two readers of this blog...Happy Hollisdays!

Keeper met Jill in person yesterday and says she's really cool. I think Oliver and Bernadette should start a blog. I'd like to see the world from their perspective, whether in pictures or words.

Meowy Christmas!

Bedroom Privileges Revoked

I have not been allowed in the bedroom as of late. This pisses me off, and sometimes I find ways to break in and snuggle under bunched up comforter anyway. I yell and and scream when removed.

I do, however, have a very sexy haircut that finally proves once and for all that I was fluffy and not fat. So all you haters can go frak off. I'm hot. I'm old and cranky, but still hot.

Keeper also insists on sticking a needle in me every once in awhile. It's more irritating than painful, but I still hate it.

In order to punish her, I allow my crankiest meows to spill out of my mouth in full force.

At least she finally got decent tasting treats to hide my pills in. Bitch.

Keeper is boring.

Keeper is very distracted and boring to me right now. I wish she would pull her head out of her butt and look around her and be present. But no. She has her head stuck in a computer or a book and ignores me and the rest of the apartment. Like we don't even exist or something.

I am enjoying my new haircut, however.

Shaved.

Keeper had me shaved! It was humiliating. And yet, when temps reached into the upper 90s this week I was very glad.

But I still hate her. She didn't even ask. I do look all svelte now. I'm not as fat as most people seem to think, and now it is obvious. I also like how intense the petting feels without all the fur in the way.

But it is still no excuse. I shall now go do something secret and evil.

The Year So Far.

It was been a quite eventful year so far. The hardwood floor situation has been resolved, but now Keeper is concerned about heat. Alas, solving problems before they occur has never worked out so well for her, so I have been encouraging her to focus on other, more pressing concerns.

Such as my new condition. I have kidney issues and require much attention now. I might also add that it is very good that keeper has a good job now.

My new requirements:

1) Prescription food.

2) One big ass capsule to be snuck into me in some way once per day.

3) Two smaller pills to be snuck into me in some way twice per day.

4) 150 cc's of IV treatment to be administered subcutaneously every other day. No re-using of the needles.

Oh, but I am sooooo worth it.

2009 is hard...

...wood floors. I like hardwood floors below my feet. I do not like hardwood floors above my head. Something must be done or I may have to drown myself into Greenie oblivion.

New white comforter is awesome and very easy to bunch up and hide under all day.

I did manage to completely humiliate myself multiple times by falling off the windowsill. Some may think I am too portly, but I believe the construction of the windowsill is faulty and way too narrow.

I refuse to sit atop the scratching post. I have my reasons, but will not share what they are. Must keep Keeper on her toes.

Happy Hollisdays!

...from your favorite blogging cat!

(yes, I am TOO your favorite!!)

Keeper says I am getting hardwood floors for Christmas. What are YOU getting?

My Vet Experience Was...

...completely unclawed for!

Perilous Paw Procedure?

I seem to have developed a hyper claw growing out of my right 'thumb'. It is incredibly thick and will not retreat back into the cave of my paw. Keeper tried to clip it, but I had to hiss and scream to get her to stop because it hurt so much.

Now I have to go back to the vet, where the evil one-eyed cat lives. I am not looking forward to this. I am scheduled to go on Saturday at 1pm.

Keeper keeps asking about whether or not I have developed a drug habit. Apparently drug-habit-type-people have long, obnoxious-looking nails/claws such as the one growing out of my paw.

I find this offensive. I do not even react to cat-nip. I will, perhaps, desire a drug or numbing of some sort in order to remove this strange growth.

What a horrid way to begin the month of November. I am simply vexed. Hisses to all.

Brief. Case.

Keeper briefs cases at 5am. Why?

The only reason I can come up with for this is that she has finally, totally and completely lost her mind.

If she ever decides to go to law school, it will be the death of me. And her. Please do not let her do that. Paralegal is bad enough. If she needs an outlet for her OCD, please, for the love of Greenies, let her find that outlet in knitting, not in interpreting laws. I am not even remotely close to kidding here.

She flustered me so much I forgot I was on a hunger strike and resumed eating.

Curses. Foiled again.

Hunger. Strike.

I have gone on a hunger strike and I am not telling Keeper why. I will see how long I can keep this up without having to be taken to the evil vet, where I may run into the obnoxious one-eyed cat.

I even rebuffed Greenies. I will require a bailout or 'rescue plan' before resuming eating. Something better happen fast, or I might die, taking all your 401kitty cuddle plans with me.

Seriously, the base of my tail...not good. Not. good. at. all.

Hiss.

Am tempting fate...

...simply by blogging. I figure that because I did not blog yesterday, and the market fell 777 points (seems like a lucky number to me, but what do I know?), that I would test out my Hollis blogs/market falls theory today.

Let the games begin.

Keeper likes that the House gave Wall Street the finger. Go ahead, Mr. President, cry wolf. Make my day. No stocks needed here. I know how to kill mice.

Do you??

Wet Food.

It has been suggested that were I to be fed wet food, I might be less portly and healthier. So this morning the experiment began, and so far I have to say that I rather enjoy it.

In other news, I am afraid to blog. Every time I start blogging, this stock market thing goes crazy. So perhaps I will lay off awhile.

Who knew that a simple little kitty like me could cause so much financial turmoil just by expressing myself in the written form...?

Me. Yow.

Frisky.

I have been rather frisky lately. I am a bad-ass, vicious fighter. Keeper likes to tell people that I am just overstimulated, but what does she know about it anyway?

I drew a little of keeper's blood this morning. Made. My. DAY!

Meh.